


Meant To Be

by Severina



Category: Oz (1997)
Genre: Community: hardtime100
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-22
Updated: 2009-11-22
Packaged: 2017-10-09 18:29:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/90277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Severina/pseuds/Severina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I want to go see Chris in protective custody. You, and the warden, are obstacles to that goal."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meant To Be

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt 17: Fate (LJ's Hardtime100 Community)  
> When I was dealing with my mom's death, one of the things that helped me was learning about some of the teachings of the organization, Friends In Deed. That's where this all came from.

"Sister Pete," Toby said, turning slightly and glancing over his shoulder, "do you believe in fate?"

"Fate?" Pete set aside her pen, steepled her fingers at her chin. "No. We make choices, and we are responsible for our own actions. Nothing is set in stone."

"Yes, but something guides our actions. Instinct, intellect, faith--"

"Guides, Tobias. Not chooses for us."

"Yes, but…" Toby swivelled in his chair to face her directly. "What if the choices we make determine how things are _supposed_ to be? There are no alternate universes, no other realities, no options beyond the ones we've made. And once we've made our choice, the end result is the way things were always meant to be from the start."

Sister Pete narrowed her eyes. "But if what you're saying is true, then the little girl you hit? Kathy Rockwell, right? She was meant to die."

"Yes."

"You were meant to come to Oswald."

"Yes."

"Your _son_ was meant to die."

"Yes," Toby said quickly. "Look, I made choices the day that I hit Kathy Rockwell. I chose to drink to excess, and I chose to drive after I'd been drinking, and I chose that particular street when I could have turned left several blocks away. All of those things came together and resulted in me hitting Kathy Rockwell with my car. Killing her. Do I wish I hadn't hit her? Of course. Do I wish every day that she was still alive? Yes. Do I still blame myself? Every minute of every day.

"But what's happened has happened. And once something has happened, it's the way it was meant to be. Because there's no other way that it _can_ be."

"I see," Sister Pete said hesitantly.

Toby leaned forward. "Every day we make another choice, and another, and another. And once we make those choices, we're committed to the way things turn out. We have to accept them, somehow, because they're the way things are supposed to be. The way they are. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Sister Pete looked unconvinced.

Toby huffed out a sigh. "You think _I_ should be committed."

"I think this conversation is too intricate for this early in the morning," Sister Pete said, "especially when I haven't even had my coffee yet."

"Sorry."

Sister Pete smiled fondly. "Tobias, what's really on your mind?"

Toby shifted uneasily in his chair. "Chris Keller."

"Uh huh," Sister Pete said dryly. "Why am I not surprised?"

"I want to go see Chris in protective custody. You, and the warden, are obstacles to that goal."

"I've tried to talk to the warden, Tobias--"

"I know, Sister, but please, just hear me out." Toby took a breath. "If what I believe is true, then everything that's happened to me so far was supposed to happen. Including all the shit with Schillinger, including everything that's happened between Chris and me. I was meant to love him, because I _do_ love him.

"Now he's been taken away from me, and I could get to him, but… there are these obstacles in my path. And it's… it gets confusing. Maybe I'm supposed to leave things alone for now. Maybe I'm supposed to take another path. Or maybe I'm supposed to chip away at the obstacles before me until they crumble. I mean… how do I know which decision is the right one?"

Sister Pete sighed, spread her hands palm up above the desk. "Prayer. When I'm faced with a difficult decision, I pray."

"God hasn't listened to me for a long time, Sister."

"Oh, he listens, Tobias," Sister Pete said confidently. "Maybe he's just giving you answers you don't want to hear."

Toby turned away. "All I know is, we have to come to terms with the way things are. Grieve, yes, and work towards making things better. But also accept that the past can't be changed. And allow ourselves to take pleasure in the things we do have. In the people we love. Chris and I? We _are_, therefore we were meant to be."

"But someday you'll leave him, Tobias," Sister Pete said gently. "You'll make parole. Maybe someday soon, if what Katharine McClane thinks is any indication."

Toby clenched his jaw. "Yes."

"What then?"

"Then?" Toby turned to look at her. He shrugged helplessly. "Then I'll make another choice. And whatever happens… that's the way it was meant to be, too."


End file.
